positivity

Check-Up

Jan. 8, 2014

I’ve had a dry cough for as long as I could remember. After surgery, nothing changed. I still cough a lot. Most of the time phlegm comes up (TMI. I know). Otherwise, it’s been good.

I usually take a daily nap or two. I only take one or two Ibuprofen tablets per day (sometimes I forget unless the pain is actually noticeable).

Pushing yourself can be a scary thing when your mind is on a different tangent to your body. My body hasn’t been capable of doing much physically, but my mind hasn’t stopped running. I think this mindset is something I’ve adapted from CrossFit – the more you push yourself, the more results you see. This could definitely be a bad thing, however, luckily, I have only seen positive results. Or at least that’s what I think.

Tomorrow I have a checkup with my surgeon, Dr. Cerfolio, before heading back to school.

Some may say, “School?! What?! A month after having major surgery?!”

Uh, yeah. I’m a busy woman with things to do. Gotta get back on my grind.

My appointment with Cerf will determine whether or not I should or should not actually go back to Syracuse.

I’m praying for the best.

                                       

Jan. 9, 2014

Today’s the day.

I’m pretty excited to see the man that saved my lung (and my life).

He walks into the room and happiness runs through my veins. He’s such an amazing person. His smile warms my heart, and his hugs provide the greatest source of comfort – they’re so full.

photo 1 (5)

He’s also pretty handsome which can’t ever be a bad thing, right? The picture says it all.

His smile is plastered on his face. Literally. 

He’s at a loss for words… He pulls up my x-rays… Suddenly, I’m at a loss for words too.

Below, you can see the last x-ray I did before leaving the hospital.

lung 2

That white cloud of whatever-you-want-to-call-it on the right side of my chest is where my lung used to be.

Cerfolio spent 4 hours in the operating theater trying to save my lung.  He was only able to save a little bit of it of the lung. Now, there’s only one fifth of it left. Tell me if you can see it, because I definitely do not.

Fluid had accumulated in that space, and the x-ray led many doctors to think that I had developed pneumonia. They advised my surgeon to send me back to the ER to remove what’s left.

Cerfolio said no. The others said yes. Cerfolio said no again, and his way goes. After all, he does know best.

This is what my lungs look like now:

lung 1

Cerfolio knew that time and God would heal all. He knew. 

There’s not a lot left, but it’s there!

IT’S THERE. LOOK AT IT!

It’s a huge difference.

I look around the room. Every single person is smiling.

After such trying times, we deserved some good news. This is definitely good news. 

You need to see the two photos side by side.

photo 2 (5)

Do you see that?!

Some may say I’m lucky. I say I’m blessed.

Time to go back to school and enjoy my life in new and exciting ways.

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A New Year, A New Me.

I’m over people who make stupid resolutions.
This year, I’ll stop biting my nails.
This year, I’ll stop getting blackout drunk and making out with randos.
This year, I’ll continue using deodorant.
STFU.

Surely, you can also argue that some people make totally impractical resolutions.
This year, I’ll get a promotion.
This year, I’ll end world hunger.
This year, I’ll learn how to speak whale.
No… You STFU too.
There is no way you can control these things.

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. If you’re trying to better yourself and your lifestyle, then you should do that every single day, whenever you spontaneously think of something – not just because it’s a new year.

                                        

When death stares you in the face, everything changes. I mean, everything. I don’t only want good health, but I want a better, pure life. So, here I am making 10 promises for 2014 even though I’m totally against New Year’s resolutions.

          1. God never gives you more than you can handle. Let him in.  In troubled times, I will not push him away, but rather pull him closer. I will look at stress and depression in the face and smile. No day should be miz. Every living day is a blessing. I just need to have the strength to accept things as they come. I am strong. I will only become stronger.
          2. Don’t talk shit about anyone. Just don’t do it. You never know what’s in someone’s heart until you truly know them. Accept people as they are, and if you don’t like them then pray for them.
          3. Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood (thanks John Mayer). I always thought about getting that lyric tattooed somewhere on my body. It’s just so intelligent. Fears are only an act of imagination and if you don’t have the strength to think of it in that manner, then every fear can be conquered and fought.
          4.  Walk more, sit less. When I couldn’t walk after surgery, I broke down. I felt like a child. So fragile. I promised myself, as long as I live, I will walk and stay active. I will also open my mind to new things and discover the world’s wonders. Being curious and learning new things each day will allow me to grow.
          5. Spend more time with family. I am so blessed to have such a large family. Some people don’t even have parents far less for cousins. I’m so lucky to have three grandparents still alive and in better health than me. They have stories to last a lifetime. It’s also important to make them feel special – because they are. If there’s one thing I learned during my days in the hospital, it’s that family will ALWAYS be there. No matter what.
          6. Enjoy life and embrace awesomeness. Most days, I’m tied up in homework or running my magazine. I’m always fussing over something. I never take the time to really count my blessings. It’s the little things that make life so precious. If you haven’t read The Book Of Awesome then you should get off of your ass and head straight to Barnes and Noble. Something so small as putting on underwear as soon as it’s out of the dryer, or walking barefoot in wet grass is what makes life special. We never take it into consideration. Every moment is awesome. I need to recognize that.
          7. Help others. There are so many people in the world with nothing. Rather than throwing coins in fountains and making wishes, you should collect change and donate it to your favorite charity. Every penny counts. More importantly, try not to donate. If you can psychically be present, then do it. Go on the street and help the homeless, go to a school and tutor the illiterate, go to an orphanage and play with kids.
          8. Be positive. A smile goes a long way. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “Ugh, I look like a beach whale,” say, “Damn, my eyes look gorgeous in this light.” Identify beauty and the good in everything and your life will change significantly. Buh-bye, negativity.
          9. Be honest. Be honest with yourself and everyone around you. Lies only lead to more lies. If you’re the girl who bursts everyone’s bubbles, at least you’re doing the right thing.
          10. Meditate. I have to do a million breathing exercises and it’ll take months till I feel back to normal. Taking 10 seconds a day to just sit down, breathe and reflect on life can make a huge difference. It also gives me a time to say thank you to God for all that he has done. Happiness will flow through my veins. I know it.

                                        

Right now, all of my friends and most of my family are in Tobago lying on a beach with the sand in their toes and the sea breeze in their hair. They’re all bringing in the new year together.

The rest of my friends are in NYC getting trashed, pouring champagne (or vomiting) all over the club’s floor, and ending the night with a really romantic sloppy midnight kiss.

I’m staying home with my family – home being Florida, not Trinidad.

I guess both Christmas and New Year’s wasn’t what I originally had in mind. But I am with family, and that makes up for the serious case of FOMO I’m experiencing.